Does it matter?

Our daily life is determined by our social conventions. The society and the family circle in which we live regulate what we find correct, appropriate, suitable or odd.

My social environment conditioned me to follow higher education, to appreciate literature, travel and comfort. I have been raised around people who shared my beliefs, questions, reasoning and philosophy.

Then I came out of the shell. My social shell. I came out in the wild wild world and discovered other ways of life. Other beliefs. Some other reasoning. Some that I sometimes struggle to understand.

The most puzzling fear to me is the fear of other people’s judgement.

Some people just dread the look, thoughts and whispers of their fellow creatures. I have tried to understand the fear of one’s family judgement. After all, we are all scared of conflict with our loved ones. It threatens our sense of security.

But…what about those that we don’t know. I know someone who dreads the looks of unknown people. Those with whom, she only share a colour or a country or a religion.

Why are those similar strangers’ opinions so important? I fail to understand despite all my efforts. I fail to apprehend how an unknown person’s opinion should dictate what I decide is appropriate for myself.

 I live with myself. My body. My thoughts. My feelings. My fears. My troubles. My pains. My joys.

I should be the only one judge of my behaviour. No other person will carry the Atlas of my life off my shoulders. I was born with one spirit in my head. I will be sole carrier of my earthly cross to the tomb. While I breathe my last sigh, no other will go through the last journey with me. No other hand will hold mine except that of an angel.

So why would I bother? Why should it matter? Is that a confidence problem? An education one? Are people afraid because they have been thought to be so? Is it even a problem? Am I right or am I wrong?

I still ponder, and I read.

 

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.“

Frank Herbert, Dune

~ by thegirlinroom95 on July 20, 2008.